My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
