The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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