So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
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you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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