I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
