Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
