some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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