I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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