I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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