god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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