so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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