every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
