maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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