the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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