I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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