I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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