I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
