I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
FUCK WHALES
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
