I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
