he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
