I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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