I need to stop coming to work sober
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
