I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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