Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
