Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You took a bar mat shot.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
