Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
