My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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