how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
