i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
