New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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