spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
