I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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