I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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