His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
