Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
