i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
