I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
