I want to stick my p in your. b.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
