I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
