I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
