google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
