My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
