so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
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I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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