Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
