Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
