he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
