it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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