Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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