i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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