This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
