Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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