she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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