i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
