she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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