Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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