Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
