Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
