So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
