What did we do last night that was yellow?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
splinters make it hard to masturbate
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
