We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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