Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
