shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
