it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
