What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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