all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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