cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
