My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
