Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
