Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
