tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What drink are we having for lunch?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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