I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I lost the right to judge tonight
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
