told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
