so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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